I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
