I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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