I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
