Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
