Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
