my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
