I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize