I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
