i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
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