I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
