u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize