Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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