how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
