my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
