I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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