You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
