nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
