So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
