you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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