why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
