so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
