nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize