btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
How external is "for external use only"?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
