Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize