We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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