there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
