Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
