Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
