Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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