It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
