someone get that fucking seahorse.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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