dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize