woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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