There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
