I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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