Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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