i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
