Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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