she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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