i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Randomize
