I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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