you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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