This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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