I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize