they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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