I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
