I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
