He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
