we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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