Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
