Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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