She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize