I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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