dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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