i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Terrible idea I love it
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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