Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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