I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
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