I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I want to have your abortion
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize