Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
