I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How does it feel to date your dad?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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