Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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