"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
