Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my sisters under your porch take her home
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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