Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
This toilet bowl is my home.
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