I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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