Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
