Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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