NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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