what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
