You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
