He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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