This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
