in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
