Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
