My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
