Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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