When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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