watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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