i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
