Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I am naked and annoyed.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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