i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
